Bear pain is another man's gain (3328.57%) 4-18-23

Ah shit here we go again.

Yesterday was more of the same tickle-taunting-torture for bears. SPY starts out red, fails to make a meaningful break to the downside, chops for a few hours when everyone’s out for a McConaughey style liquid lunch and then poof like magic Blackrock fires up the newest version of Alladin and stocks follow the fury road of 0dte call buying and melt faces into the close.

Look at that movement in the last two hours of the day!

Was it coordinated? Yes, but they waited until a few minutes after 2pm EST to put the exact bottom in very nice of them.

It is rigged? Definitely. Rigged doesn’t mean the game is unwinnable. It’s just the odds are stacked against retail who can’t see what’s happening under the hood.

Do we care? Of course we care because we like to swim with the tide and flow with the flows (aka make money) and we think you do too.

But here’s why it matters…

We’re going to quote the esteemed Hunter S. Thompson,

“You can't miss what you never had.”

Well - you can’t miss the gains or plays you never knew existed.

Here’s one that will send you sideways faster than Thompson’s chivas, cocaine and Dunhills writing routine.

$350 to $12,000 in 2 hours (3328.57% return nbd)

Now if you’re more familiar with astrology and moon rotations than technical analysis and charting don’t worry - we’ve got your back. This is a SPX 4140 call option (the big boy version of $SPY) with same day expiry. If you look at the red lines below they indicate volume, so volume picked up for these contracts right before 2:00PM EST, then the market melted up and these were never less than a 400% gain.

We didn’t have this trade on… but we sure as hell miss it.

Tim Apple reminds us he’s the one true king

We wrote about Tim Cook and Jamie Dimon yesterday and god damnit we’re going to have to run it back.

Tim Cook is the best CEO on the planet. He must have read the Chinese war book a few times when he was down in Auburn screaming War Eagle over some SEC football and munching down on Momma’s Nachos.

“So in war, the way is to avoid what is strong, and strike at what is weak.”

First a brief recap:

Apple realized a long time ago the hardware market has matured in the first world and in order to continue printing money they would need to milk their customers through services; software (thanks iCloud), media (content), and financial (apple pay + card).

They would then run this playbook back in the third world which is happening now in places like India where hard to believe fact you probably did not know… Apple just opened its first stores [tc].

Today Apple announced they’re adding a high-yield savings account with 4.15% APY.

Way to… STRIKE AT WHAT IS WEAK

Dropping this news during the most important bank earnings season since the financial crisis is like Cupertino’s atomic bomb for McKinsey consultants.

We can picture the nerds who spent all week preparing the suits for questions about deposit flight and whether their silly lil bank can survive in a higher for longer interest rates environment spilling their soy lattes because now they have to prepare a whole new slew of answers for the inevitable what’s your Apple strategy from the asshole analyst at Goldman and now they have to miss their evening soulcycle and fifth bumble date of the week.

The stock is sniffing ATHs without a new iPhone. They’re navigating moving production outside of China to avoid geopolitical risk without upsetting the communist party that happens to rule its biggest market with an iron first. Now it’s a fintech play one thing to facilitate transactions, another to be place where consumers feel comfortable keep their money. Would we keep money with Apple? Absolutely. Do we keep anything in Paypal? Absolutely fucking not. He has tech CEOs fighting each other and then bending the knee for access to Apple’s ecosystem. Watch them ditch Google and add Bing + ChatGPT synced with Siri. After all the only thing left after becoming a bank is selling ads. Oh and the company they’re partnered with on this happens to be Goldman Sachs. The APY for Marcus, their consumer banking product is 3.90% to Apple’s 4.15%.

Bravo Tim Cook.

[ arstechnica ]

0DTE Comes for Crypto

The CME group is officially joining CBOE’s party and cashing in on money printing phenomenon known as 0dte. Starting May 22, futures for bitcoin and ethereum will have expiries on Monday through Friday.

We’re excited to see what kind of impact this will have mainly due to the opaque nature of crypto market pumps that seemingly happen out of nowhere with no news or events with many brushing it off saying, “Oh, Asia must have woken up.”

The group also reported that their bitcoin and ether futures has record daily average volume of more than $3 billion. Not something you typically see in a bear market even though on-chain volume is down considerably when compared to DeFi summer and NFT mania.

[ coindesk ]

We’re watching and waiting for more ponzi games, but right now it looks like the theme is once again memecoins (see PEPE).

It’s hard not to middle IQ curve these things but if you treat it like a spin of the roulette wheel - what could possibly go wrong.

thanks for reading the RIGD REPORT!

IF YOU WANT MAX GAINS, 888 LEVELS OF LUCK, AND STALLION ON THE DANCE FLOOR AND THE BEDROOM THEN YOU MUST FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO 7 PEOPLE. DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN. WE DESPERATELY NEED MORE SUBSCRIBERS.

it would also be very cool to follow us on twitter @rigd_ai.

this was written by humans but we’re training an LLM to see if it can snark, sass and shitpost like a God.

last… we are hiring a data scientist with experience trading options. is it you?

4-18-23